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Pink. Nice.

Dry Sharm Dos and Don'ts: Nightlife

Do Take one of those police intoximeters with you to the bars. Cocktails can vary enormously in strength, and you are paying to get as off your head as possible. If after three or four Mojitos you register as sober enough to drive on your own hand-held breathalyzer, you know you are being diddled. Simply threaten the barman enough and he will happily agree to make your head spin.

Do Heed my advice, men, and know that your highest chances of a pull in the 500 decibel bass beat of the clubs is with wasted Italian chicks [surely you know Italian girls don't drink... Ed]. As they can't understand you, you will come across as really funny no matter what rubbish you talk about shark encounters. And 'deep wreck penetration' sounds phonetically like 'my dad owns Maserati, honest', in Latin.

Do Check my advice, ladies, and know that your chance of max'ing a one night stand is with a British diver. The fatter the better. If he's with his mum, that's totally cool as well. If he has been to 100m and owns a VR3, he is generally awesome in bed. [Right guys - you owe me one there]

To read the rest of this article, you'll need to get your hands on Tanked Up Magazine. It's free. What are you waiting for?
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